Waiting

This is worse than the two week wait and this wait of mine is only two full days. I know I was lucky enough to only experience the TWW once, thus far, and I am sure I would not feel the same if I had the roller coaster ride most do. Nonetheless, Friday's blood test seems years away. Of course I've googled a gazillion different variations of "slow HCG rise," "HCG not doubling," and "HCG low, progesterone fine." The results feel like a punch in the stomach - miscarriage as a very real possibility. I keep telling myself my numbers weren't drastically low, 271 instead of 320, and the progesterone and estrogen are fine. But statistically, the HCG didn't double as it should have. And I am sad, so very sad. Hopeful, but sad. I didn't realize how much I love this little soul inside me until the possible threat we might lose it. And last night when I got home, there was a package from my mother on the doorstep waiting for Dana and me. Inside was a Beatrix Potter baby book with pages just waiting to be filled out and two infant outfits. I cried. Today I asked her not to send anything else yet and to just hold on. We're all holding on.