Things Not To Say To a Pregnant Woman

Dana and I took a few extra days off surrounding the long Labor Day weekend and made our annual trip to Fisher's Island, New York, to visit my aunt who summers there. We absolutely love the island, especially this time of year, when fall in New England begins to make its arrival. Our days are spent taking long walks, spending time at the beach, and just relaxing...except for the social engagements. Oh, the social engagements. Sigh. You see, on this very quaint and beautiful six mile island there are not one but two country clubs. My aunt is a member of one, the "little club", but desperately wants to be a member of the "big club" which has about a ten year waiting list just to be "put up" by a current member and be considered. What does this mean for us? It means everything we do or wear is scrutinized. It means my aunt is completely obsessed with what other people might think.

Years ago when I first came out my aunt told my mother I could continue visiting her on the island, but I couldn't bring any of my "gay" friends for fear she might not get into the "big club." Things have changed a bit, and my aunt not only invites Dana and me to visit, but she is very generous in her own way with us. Once we get there, we are wined and dined and given a few hundred dollars in cash upon our departure. So, please note we are not ungrateful for her show of kindness.

However, I had a breakdown on the first full day we were there as we were preparing to go to the "little club" for lunch. Dana and I came in from a walk, she looked me up and down and said, "don't you have any cute clothes? Something that wouldn't show your stomach as much?" Excuse me? I am six and a half months pregnant and you want me to hide my stomach? Are you kidding? She then attempted to insist that we go down to the one boutique shop so she could buy me an appropriate shirt. Let me say that I was wearing new maternity khaki shorts and a white maternity V-neck, long sleeve shirt, with my beach appropriate Chaco flip-flops. Oh, and the boutique shop does not sell maternity wear. Even if it did, I am highly doubtful that I could find anything in that store I actually might wear. Needlepoint belts with the Fisher's Island likeness aren't exactly my style, not to mention I could never afford to spend $100 on any one item of clothing or accessory alone. I digress....

She next wanted to know if we had anything more appropriate to wear to lunch at the "big club" on Sunday as we had been invited as guests. Something more colorful she said, because the people there look a little more suave. Perhaps a skirt or a dress she suggested. Not only was I in a bind now, but Dana did not bring any skirts or dresses as neither one of us regularly wear (or even own) such items. I walked back to our room and had a breakdown. I cried for a short while, pulled myself together, put on the most frumpy mauve shirt I had with my shorts, and passed for appropriate. I wore that shirt multiple times the next few days.

Fast forward to dinner Saturday night. While at dinner (at the little club of course) my aunt proceeds to tell me that my own mother and her best friend forewarned her that I was "big." Again, I am six and a half months pregnant. I have this an issue with the weight I've gained in the first place, so telling me I am big does not help me feel good about myself. In case you are wondering, I have gained about 25 pounds, so I now weight about 140. It isn't like I am sitting around eating bon bons and watching T.V. I am still working out, staying active, and eating well. I'm still a vegetarian, and I still (usually) don't eat desserts (except while on vacation!) When I questioned my mother about this comment she said, "well, you are big." Don't say these things to a pregnant woman. It is not a compliment.

On the bright side, Dana and I had many long walks together under the blue New England sky and a whole afternoon to ourselves at the beach. The weather was cool and the breeze brought hints of fall. Being there always makes me long for the three years I spent in Vermont. We even spent one evening sailing around the island (see pic of Dana above). Overall, we came home relaxed and a bit rejuvenated, but I think we're skipping the annual Fisher's Island trip next year, especially given we'll have a little one in tow.